That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
