Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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