why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
