I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
