Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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