the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
where are my pants?
in the oven.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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