Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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