Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
