How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
