doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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