Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
