Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
