I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
