Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
