I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
