lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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