My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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