whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
