that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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