i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
