I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
