Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
