Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
