Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
