I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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