fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
