her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
