i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
