Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
