So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
