i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's blow job season.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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