I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
