I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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