I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
