Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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