is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
