im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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