Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
