I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
