shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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