If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
