Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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