you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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