i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
