Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
