are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
