so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
