I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
