how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
