I love black thongs
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
