Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
