That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
